I have noticed this interesting phenomenon about social media. We define ourselves, and others, by what we see and post online. We think hard about whether we should "like" something on Facebook or whether or not to post something we thought interesting, not sure what people will think. I remember a few years ago a friend of ours was gong through a change in his life and posted some things on line that out of context looked like he was angry, critical and trying to tear down other people. I remember one of my sons, "unfriending" him, because he didn't want to "get caught up in his negative emotions". At the time I didn't really see what was being said, but thought "yah, for sure" and "that must be the space he was living in, in the rest of his life as well". I mean, he posted it on Facebook, so we can for sure take inference and decide what he meant and how he is living his life? Or can we? So, later I sat with this friend and he told me what had been happening in his life and how the people in his world, not the Facebook world, but the real one had responded to him. He cried and told me how sad and betrayed he had felt by the people that had hurt him and the trust that had been lost. He told me that he didn't know how to find a "new normal" without the things he had lost. What appeared so straight forward, had been the polar opposite of what I had thought. As I had made assumptions, so had many others, who shared their assumptions and judgement of his situation without ever picking up the phone, knocking on his door, inviting him out for "tea". I felt a little embarrassed when I thought of the things I had thought. How I thought looking at his pictures and posts that I had some sense of who he was, but I was dead wrong and not even close in my ability to see him.
In the world of social media, we are starving and dying for friendship, for touch, for being seen, being heard, being held and being known. I am not my Facebook posts. You do not know me by what I put up on my wall. You might have an idea of some things that have crossed my mind, but how they play with light with darkness, with love and hate, you will never know if you do not look into my eyes, or listen to my voice.
When I get up in the morning, I hate to turn on the lights, so when I shower I have a little seashell "night light" in my bathroom that I turn on, just enough light to see and feel the beauty of the morning. I love scents, so between the nightlight and the soft scent it is a wonderful way to start the day. I have studied to become an aromatherapist. My play smells delightful and calming. It includes mixing and brewing all sorts of concoctions, that calms my emotions, soothes pain and make a person feel loved, those are the most important things in life to me to share with the people around me. I have discovered there are many different ways to share those things.
My family knows when I start creating I have entered an alternate universe and it could be a while before I return and when I do, it will look like a whirl wind has run through the kitchen and it will smell wonderful. Sometimes it tastes wonderful too, since I am always experimenting with food, as well. The joke at our house is that whatever I make will have no name and I will likely never be able to recreate it. The other one, is "What is growing on the counter, Mom?" Between bread, sourdough, kefir, kombuchu, sauerkraut, or some other fermented dish, they think I am crazy and sometimes just downright strange.
I teach children's preschool programs. When I got that job, I wasn't sure if I wanted it or not. I just wanted something, but now I love watching their eyes when they see you and you know their name and what is important to them. I love that you can pick them up and hold them when they are crying and you can change their whole world for that moment, And waving to Mommy from the window will turn the tears to a smile of delight I love that you can fix what is going wrong for them and watch them smile and send them back to face the game or the other kids. It reminds me of when life still was innocent and I had not watched my own children being broken by things I could never fix and will never be ok. But for the moment, I remember their childhood, the dreams and smiles.
Now the world is punctuated with hard words, like rejection, divorce, death, and fear. Fear of things that are not fixed by a hug, a drink and a night light, things that have taken those they loved, and parts of themselves that can and never will be the same, a loss of innocence, with a depth I could never have imagined. But with all of that, we still laugh, go shopping, make music, share dreams and hold onto faith and love. We still pray and try to make sense of the senseless.
I study all the time. I am studying Heilkunst, which is homeopathy and the sequential treatment of trauma. Right now most of my study comes from philosophers and doctors from the 1800's. It is challenging to read. It has made me realize how dumbed down we have become. How little time we actually take to see, hear or feel the world. It is like a black and white still shot we live in, with sterile emotions and conforming actions. That is how we are living. The more I study, the more I want to touch the world, sit with you and listen to your voice. I want to laugh with you, hold your hand, hug you and hear your stories too. I don't want to read your Facebook posts. I want to read your eyes. I want to see what is real, not the facade. I don't want to be known from this place, I want this place to invite you to call me and invite me for tea. I want to laugh with you because I miss you. Right now I assume that you are happy in your world and that you don't miss me because all you do is "post" this, "like" my status "comment" on my link, but where are you? Are you ok being alone too?……………………………….
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