Separate and Distinct

One of the doctrines that we are proudest of in the church has been the doctrine of the Godhead containing three separate and distinct beings. We pride ourselves on creating something that soothes the intellect's need to understand from a material level God. But, I started wondering about that. I have studied, permaculture, organic gardening, aromatherapy, homeopathy, the philosophy of Romantic science and more. The thing that fascinated me about it all was the connections. Everything is connected. I was so delighted to learn about mycorrhizal fungi, the fungi that connects roots of plants into systems of immune support, that we cannot see and have little understanding of from a surface perspective. When we look at patterns, fractal patterns and how things are created in patterns that are like archetypes connected by virtue of patterning, the whole world is connected through a giant archetypal pattern. Then there is quantum physics and the waves. I don't know all that much, about this, this this is my summary of what would take me a lot more time and study to really understand. Everything is connected by way of energy and how the energy responds depends upon the type of energy that is connects with it, so a like energy builds and dissonant energy breaks something down, really indicating connections everywhere at every level that we cannot even begin to understand on a material level. But if we stop for a minute and are present with ourself, we can feel it. We feel it in a place above our intellectual mind and there is no way to "prove" this on a material level, but it is something we just "know" . When we meet a person that you have a feeling that you knew before, where does that come from. It speaks to energy, the energy they bring and when it meets with yours it builds. Hmmm it feels kind of beautiful and simple when you are looking for something. Now back to separate and distinct, here in lies the problem. The connection of our souls and our energy is totally disregarded in this space. God becomes something outside of us, whose influence we cannot bring in except through our outer action, completely removing our inner heart from the equation. Now, when I say that I mean that the heart is not the source of the connection to the outer, an outer source is the connection to the action. To try and make sense we say words, like " An outer manifestation of an inward commitment". But how is the inner fully manifested? Only by a certain set of parameters that look a little like a successful business executive: driven, hardworking , goal oriented, appearance, numbers and results focused. Go through the actions required for a person to connect to this separate and distinct God. We pray, we read, we serve, we visit, we keep commandments, we go to the temple and the list could go on. A list driven and determined by an external source and a lot of fear. One of the things that I wondered is why the Bible talks about three in one when it talks about the Godhead. One of the other things I have been studying has been the translation issues with the Bible. I have looked at how we take the English version of the Bible, written in the 1500's and completely overlay our understanding of English to the translation that was done hundreds of years ago. Now anyone who has read Shaekespeare, Chaucer, Austen, and I could go on know that the English language was much different, much more complex than it is now. Words have changed meanings and the literality of things has also changed. Now, take that a step further and look at the meaning of some of the passages that we assume we know the meaning of, in Greek or Aramaic, or Hebrew. As I have studied the beginning of the Old Testment in Hebrew, it has blown my mind. What we are assuming is literal, Adam, Eve, man woman, Garden etc, could not possibly be literal when we look at the Hebrew work, especially when we add in an understanding of the consciousness of the people writing this book and their way of communicating through stories. They spoke in parables, or myths. What we are assuming as literal is not likely literal. So, back to the Godhead as three in one, What were they really saying? From what very little that I know of this subject, it seems to me that we must go back to connections, patterns that makes sense to this intuitive place in us. Everything is connected and in patterns and impacts everything else without reservation, no matter how much we will it to be otherwise. So, God, Jesus and the holy spirit, their connection has to be in us. Three in one in our soul, their influence whether that be through quantum energies that we do not understand, or something else, there is that intuitive place in me that knows that when I open to my own soul, my own heart to the world, to desire, to a spiritual space that cannot be explained with words, I find God, all of him, not outside, but inside. I was taught that I must perform in order to have God's grace. In order to be truly connected to my family there is a place I must go, a physical place and physical things that I must do or the connection is lost. It has bred fear and shame in me my whole life. Fear of losing what I love the most. That fear drove me to try and control them the way I was controlled. "Please, jump through these hoops or we won't be enough to be connected forever" What I discovered when I stepped a way from the fear and frantic driving, results , and the appearance focused nature of the church is the beautiful place of connection, one that is just waiting for me to see it. It is this quiet place, where I need not try to convince another of my knowing, so they too can be connected, but a personal place of deep resonant understanding that is quiet. For me many things have changed, prayer for example has become quiet, when I am so busy trying to be heard and get my point across, make sure I am asking for the right things, and the right people and the right experiences, my mind gets caught up in the "rightness" of it all and I become separate from the very source of the power that I am seeking. Prayer has become hearing, hearing the resonant energy in my heart. The list can go on…………….. What I have really learned is that God, Jesus and his spirit are in me, just like my kids have complete access to both my husband's and my DNA and with that they become complete, they are three in one. It is kind of beautiful. They never have to look to find that part of me that they want or need and it becomes an amazing beautiful discovery of me through them. What I have given to them is beautiful and unique. They will each in combination of what they have with their own unique desires and perceptions become someone so totally different, but I can see me in them, like I can see my parents in me. So, in the beginning in Hebrew the Name for God had the meaning of a being discovering himself. Now I understand why. I discover him and he discovers himself through my quiet understanding of who I am, my desires, my heart, the places and people and calling that is resonant only to me in this perfectly unique way. I never want to be separate and distinct again. I want to be connected by every particle of energy and of light and every force that God has created that we do not understand. I am OK with knowing that there are many things that I do not understand. But I know God is in me and I know that He is love and that love does guide us to all truth, all light, all connection, for now and forever. I love being able to let my fear go with this beautiful understanding, the importance of my heart to really understanding love and connection to God, to the world and to everything here. We do know, all of the truth of God and the whole universe is in potentiality within us, our learning is to listen and to hear. The voice is our own heart.