The Whole or the Parts………..?

I work backwards, probably why people may not understand my process. If you break it down into a whole bunch of pieces and want to understand the pieces, I can't. I work exactly to opposite. I take out the pieces, put together the whole picture and then the pieces unfold. SO, the Law of Moses was all about all of the details, do this, don't do this, but when Christ came he brought a higher law, the law of love, he brought and identified the whole, the driving force, the foundations of everything. So, it is simple for me. If I live the law of Love basing my relationship on Christ, then all of the right things will follow. So, there is little for me to profess, mostly because the picture has to become clear before the details are known. They become born out of an understanding of myself and his love and his invitation for me to see and know specific things. I don't feel like the details can be as important as just being at one with him. It is funny because I have been working on some soap making, some aromatherapy, lotions, body mist, bath oils etc. I have had people who wanted me to bring them some, so they could sell it, but the whole picture was not formed in my mind and even though I had some products they were not part of something I could see as a whole and therefor could not present. And then one day, I could simply see the pieces and started putting them together for a purpose. I was participating in a craft sale, a fundraiser for Lindi's class at school, for their trip to Drumheller in May. I was doing it because I knew I could and that I wanted to and that it would help me see. It literally just opened up and I could see, how to name and label and mix and present. And then we did the sale and it was amazing and I learned just a little bit more about what mattered, so I could really see what the lines of products and the labeling details were. I am sure that as I continue the process will be the same. At each moment when I am emotionally ready to see the insight comes. The labeling was particularly difficult for me to wrap my head around. I worked and worked for two days and nothing was resonating as, this is it. Computers and I are not the best of companions when it comes to something like that, so I finally got super frustrated and was crying and all of a sudden I knew why and it had nothing to do with what I was working on. As soon as I understood I sat down and within a few minutes had it planned and finished. IT has amazed me at every turn how my readiness is the key to my understanding. I have personally felt based on the issues of comparison and the issues of Mom's needs being more important than our own process that what the real issue is here is that I have never been able to create a whole for myself. The parts were driven so deeply without mercy or thought about understanding and though my head was spinning and I tried to get the parts, all I wanted was for the whole to be driving the parts. This is why I am challenged with church history. See the difficulty of the whole thing for me is in the patterns, in the whole that has been created, not in the individual pieces, they add up to something and it isn't looking like what we say that it is, to me. The whole is the problem. We can apologize for the parts and make excuses, that would not be an issue for me, but when the whole created is fear , shame and performance based, it tells me something is wrong. That does not fit into the law of Love at all. How can that be rectified? For me right now, I am putting the whole of what matters together. I am listening and trusting the Saviour's way of showing me. I know he knows that nothing works for me without the whole understanding, the whole of being able to participate with resonance that this is the whole. It isn't there. I have jumped through everyone else's hops doing it there way all of my life. I cannot any more. I have nothing left for pretense, if it is not real and resonant and whole and complete there can be no place for it, until such a time as my readiness leaves a place for understanding. If it what we claim that it is, the law of love will prevail. At this point in time based on my experiences, I do not feel that is the case, but I also know that the only way that I will truly understand anything is to simply be open to God and hear his movings and whispering in my life. I have full confidence that anyone who follows the Saviour will find their way to a place of wholeness. Maybe it doesn't matter to some people, they can break things apart and make sense of each piece, but me and my family all work the same way. The reason Shae landed where she did. Now there is a space for all of us to create a whole with Christ, because he is what we value. I am not letting go, I am only holding on to what I really know, the rest will sort itself out.